Let’s chat about authenticity and about not people pleasing, shall we?
Hi, my name is Nancy and I am a recovering people pleaser. I was taught, as so many of us were, to be seen and not heard. I was disciplined in school only once and I’ll never forget it. I was in the fourth grade, in Mrs. Gilman’s class with my best friend Kim. I was talking to Kim, I assume, when I was supposed to be listening to Mrs. Gilman. I was scolded and I think I was told to go sit in the back of the classroom. I was mortified! I apologized profusely and told her I would never do that again – it was awful. I’m sixty two now and that memory still brings up the fear of doing something wrong and feeling humiliated (not humbled-big difference). After that experience, I went out of my way to make sure I didn’t rock the boat, speak out of turn, always did way more than was expected of me, and generally put myself in the back seat, on the back burner of my own life.
Well, no more of that shit. I have found my voice and my calling, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to ever go back to being a “yes woman”. No, I’m tired of making apologies for the real me. A couple of weeks ago I ran a vision board workshop at my corporate day job for some of my colleagues. As I was talking I found myself say some swear word – shit probably, as it’s one of my favorites, and then I added, “oh, by the way, this is how I talk. I know this is a company sponsored workshop, but I won’t be taming my authentic language”. To which I received a thumbs-up and one participant found this as she was cutting up magazines: “Stop censoring yourself. Not only does swearing increase pain tolerance, but a new study says it could also make you stronger. People who cursed before completing a short intense exercise produced more power during the workout-another reason to let one slip while carrying a heavy package in from the car.” So there you go. Could explain my high tolerance for pain.
This week I met with my “Power Group” – an amazing group of women I’ve just met online that make up my study group in a program I’m in. I incorporated a few choice words in my copy assignment and found that I was explaining and second guessing myself. Do you know what they said? Jan said “you are BOP and you should never apologize for that”, to which we all replied, what is BOP? Bold, Outrageous, Provacative! Really?! I’ve been told recently that I was gregarious but BOP? Never. Shut the fuck up! I’m so excited – I’m so proud! The group told me that I have to be willing to repel those people that are offended by my language. Absofuckinglutely. I’m so relieved!
Speaking of authenticity and dreams, I saw an interview with Tim Tebow on ESPN that was posted on Facebook today called Motivational Monday: Tim Tebow. This interview is about not listening to the naysayers and not letting other people define you. Not living with the regret of not trying because of the fear of failure. Very important lesson. Please watch it here: https://www.facebook.com/ESPN/videos/410993859707759/
So today, I stand in my authentic space, with complete integrity, and say that I am a Bold, Outrageous, Provocative Badass and I’m not sorry!
How are you living your life authentically? I’d love to hear from you!